"Black" Olympics

... && Canada is kill'n it in the winter Olympics. 9 gold so far say whaaaaaat! One thing I know for sure is at our house we have gold for most explosive poopy diapers, beat that Canada. You know the kind that is like oil and water only the diaper is water and the poop is oil. Soon as that poop comes near the diaper it repels off in every which direction except for where it belongs. Needless to say I should probably get a gold medal for most laundry done in a day too. Not only are we excellent poopers at our house, but we have learned that lying on the floor isn't as fun as being carried around by mom. It’s evident this little girl is much like her mother was, my worst nightmare, and heaven forbid her not be involved in the action and actually lay on the floor. Ever seen a baby cry and cry but never shed a tear?? I have. It's the, "Momma stop ignoring me, cry" that accelerates quickly to the, "so help me you better pick me up or the neighbors will phone child services, cry!" In other words our household is run by the cries without tears of a not even 6 month old baby. Again, gold metal! Geesh, this kid's got talent. She will be the reason Simon Cowell switches country’s...Again! Ha!

What else is new...? Aside from nearly smashing into a car on the ever so long, pull my gorgeous hair out of my head, drive to Canada to which scared me half to death; not much. A highlight however, I was prized with a new wedding band. Being that my diamonds are far too beautiful to wear to work I have been, for the last year or so, going to work ring-less. This got me to thinking it has been almost 4 years since I married my husband. We have gone from being so poor we couldn't afford to pay the electric bill for a month so we went without heat and lights for that time period in January, to, not always eating mac and cheese for supper, to, moving out of the ghetto and not having to sleep with a pistol on my bedside, to, not driving a car with dents, rust, and bungee cords holding down the hood, to, not wondering if the bank card was going to decline before every purchase. Slowly but surely we have gone from, to me, what is rock bottom to something much more superior. Sure, we still aren't where we want to be, but at least I don't have to worry about how I am going to feed my baby, or how I am going to buy diapers, or worse yet pay the heat. Was it hard at the time to see past "the now"? Hell yeah it was. Especially seeing friends and other peers have what we wanted so badly. Were there tears? More than I ever want again. Looking back however, it wouldn't be what it is if I didn't have my husband by my side. Going through these rough storms and making it out together has made and will continue to make the triumph of success that much better. Together for the worst deserves together for the best. This little ring goes on forever and I'll be damned if my marriage doesn't go on forever too and I wouln't have it any other way! I got one thing right when I said yes for better and for worse. 
Bring on any rain storm because a rainbow is promised to always follow, so come what may and love it! <3 

Babies with Make-up

The winds blew in a hurricane, hurricane work. One of which is a destroyer, it took what little bit of strength I felt I had and washed that bad boy out to sea. So where are we now?? Lost at sea!

As promised my drastic love/hate/indifferent relationship change with being a full time employee. Everybody says you will never know a mothers love until you have a baby of your own. True. Leaving my baby to go to work 14 days out of a month when she is merely 4 months old was the most hurt I have ever felt. It was not a hurt of falling, breaking a bone, or losing someone special. It was a guilty, heart-wrenching; I'm a horrible mother, why would I bring this little girl so perfect into this world when I cant devote my life to her kind of feeling. Feeling I was letting her down because I couldn't be there when she needed her mom. This little person whom I literally love and care for more than myself is so helpless and doesn't understand the means behind me leaving her. I didn't sleep a bit the night previous to my first day back. Not only would my baby not take a bottle to save her life, but I had not been away from her for more than 5 minutes at a time. Up until this point I was not sure she even had the lungs to scream as I had never heard her really cry. Whimper and whine when she was hungry or awake, but never scream cry. That night we chose to try bottle feeding again, ideally so I could go to sleep earlier and be ready for my 5am shift. Unlike previous attempts we were really being persistent with the bottle so she would see it was okay. I went to bed. Out of sight, out of mind. I wish. I laid in bed but not even my earplugs drown out her screams. It was such a different cry. Broke.My.Heart! I tried to trick my mind into thinking this was the right thing to do, that I was doing it for her, and she would be okay but I'll be damned. People who manage to think like that are far better than me. The whole time I laid there, 15 minutes going on ten days, knowing I needed to let my family handle it I simply bawled. When her cry had elevated past a point of return enough was enough. I had her brought into me. That perfect angel held my shirt as tight as she could with both hands and nursed until she fell asleep. Throughout tears were streaming down my face and the only words I could think to say were, "I'm sorry baby... Mommy is so sorry." Before I knew it, it was time to go to work. I, of course, was a basket case for the majority of the day. I had serious Jesus power as I drove like a bat out of hell making my 45 minute drive home just over 30. The moment that little girl got back into my arms I did what any other mom would do, slid down the wall and cried some more. I was not strong or composed I literally fell apart. For at least a month or so I couldn't seem to activate that genuinely happy person I normally am inside. I would afford a smile and make jokes at my expense in the presence of my family and my peers, but it didn't go down deep. Like I said, others would definitely handle this situation more gracefully than me. The cherry on the cake was everybody's comments, "I don't know how you do it?" "How on earth do you just leave you baby?" "There is no way I could do that, no way!" Thank-you everyone. The answer is this. I do what I have to do. With a husband in university preparing for grad school I work so I can provide the best life possible for my family. Here are some stats. My baby 100% knows that she is loved. She and I have an understanding that I have to do this for her right now, but it will not be forever. Her little hands on my face and snuggles in my neck when I get home give me a slight glimpse into thinking maybe what I'm doing isn't so wrong. I must say once the work day is done her excitement when she sees me is non-replaceable. She has let me know that being out of her sight is not an option. It's like blood to veins, cheese to macaroni; sugar to Kool-Aid, gum to shoe, mommy to baby and it's the highlight to my life. 

After a storm the air is fresh with new beginnings, so come what may and love it. <3

"Black"-Out

Round 2 in blog world. First time, epic fail.
As my first post back figure it's appropriate to start with the who behind the scenes. I am a 23 year old wife to the most loving man and I recently became a momma to the sweetest little girl, which as I see it is like walking on clouds of my elysium; perfect. Don't get me wrong; I'm not perfect, my life isn't perfect (which you will come to see), my choices aren't always perfect, my hair & makeup are almost never perfect, but its these imperfections that make it all come together to perfection. This blog is mostly something I am going to do for me. I have found, through being a new momma, not much in my life revolves around me anymore, so some personal time to write about my ups and downs will grant me some serenity and maybe give you a laugh or two.
I am a fulltime working woman. I work 7on/7off for a hospital in a career choice I picked after jumping between multiple majors in my undergraduate degree. I loved it, then hated it, now I'm indifferent depending on my mood, but that is for another post. Promise.
I am a schedule/list person. My life revolves arounds them. Remember when your little and you say you will never be like your mom for this, this, and these reasons. Whelp here to tell you I got my insane, over-the-top obsession with lists from my one and only, mother! Bless her heart! It's very rare I go a day without a text from a loved one saying, "no list for me today?" Not to mention the considerably large paper trail I leave behind me on day to day basis. Aside from ice cream, guacamole, and hotdogs there in not much in this world that puts a smile on my face like putting a check mark on a to-do list... well  food obviously does too, haha.
I may be a wife and mother but I sure can jamm out to some good ol' fashioned country music. For my lack of musical talent and my blessed two left feet chances are high I will, at one point or another, be the bain of my childs existance and humilation will rain; pour if you will. Then she will grow up (very very slowly) and her life will begin anew, with an "I am my mother" craze and she will take the same joy in it that I do... for her childs sake here is to hoping she has a better voice. When did lullabys become scary movie?
I am an unapologetic romantic.My mind is completely wrapped up in the disney princess mentality. I am super in love with love. Some of the perfects dates are simply watching titanic.. in a blow up raft on my living room floor.. wearing my exact same (but fake) heart necklace.. crying on my husbands shoulder. Yes, I know it's so not the cool day and age date, but we do it. If it's cheesy to you I probably have my heart wrapped around it a million times.
At the end of the day I'm just like every wife and mother, exhausted. Posting only happy moments wouldn't be true to my life. Granted, they will probably come up a lot, but so will the puke in my hair, sleeping in til 8 is as magical as riding out of my bedroom on a unicorn, explosive poop and 10 outfit kinda days, why I cry, and why I laugh. Colorful winds make storms too, so come what may and love it! :D