If it's not a day at her job, she's starts
making breakfast for the little one. Eggs and squished bananas make up the
floor decor for the first time that day and mashed potatoes end that same day.
Babies asleep, she rinses the last few dishes, wipes down the counters, final
rounds of locking doors and turning off unnecessary lights, the lights that
cause your utility bills to sky rocket. She picks up a few toys that could be a
tripping hazard and moves the abandoned shoes to the closet. She grabs a glass
of water and takes her vitamins and thinks to herself, "Another day
gone."
Another day where she only got to speak
briefly to her husband on the phone or over a meal that was mostly spent
feeding a cute little monster. Another day where the duties of mommy and daddy
had them in the same house, but kept them feeling completely isolated.
On days like these, which is nearly every
day, she misses her husband.
She misses the normal uninterrupted adult conversations. The quick trips for ice cream after supper and movies that don't
revolve around that damn red monster singing and dancing. She misses the smiles that turn into laughs, and the lingering smell of his cologne left after long hugs.
Gosh, there are days she just misses him;
them.
Sometimes she looks back at the younger
version of herself those 7 years ago and thinks of all the things she wishes
she could have said. She would have told that crazy in love girl to enjoy every
second with him and never take it for granted. She would have told her newly
engaged self not to worry so much on the details, all she will remember is him
anyways, the rest will become a burr. She would tell her newly married self to
get advice on budgeting and not be so full of pride to ask for help, and she
would tell more recent new-mommy-self to chill out and get off Google, its
normal for baby's to blink.
That same girl sometimes wishes she could
jump ahead 10, 20, 30 years to the older version of herself. What would her
future self tell the momma pulled in a million directions- caught up in taking
care of what is necessary while feeling like she is missing everything that
really matters, self?
Maybe, just maybe, she would say something
like this...
There won’t ever be enough time, let that be okay. There will be so many more times when the demands are constant and your energy runs out and you will question if your letting everyone down and you will try and find ways to be better and fail. She would say that sweet man of yours knows you put every ounce of yourself into your child, the house, the bills, and all those responsibilities. He knows that you rarely get a break or ever stop worrying, caring, or planning. He knows when he returns home at the end of the day that you will be exhausted, but his hope will remain the same day after day and he will pray that you save a little love for him. She will say never to pour all of yourself out that there is nothing left at the end of the day to give that sweet boy, to never forget the love that was so abundant in the beginning, and to remember the boy who became your best friend. She would say never forget the meaning of forever and always. It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be special. It doesn't have to be ideal for it to be great. You will change so much every day, both of you will, but the lord will grow you together, he will keep you together. Yes, there will be moments when you do not recognize the person across the kitchen table from you. You will wonder how the heck you got "here." You will question whether or not you will make it... and then, you will. Dream together. Hope together. Reach goals together. Remind each other of God's promises for your lives. Reach for them. Succeed together. Sweet girl with hurt in your eyes, start enjoying the ordinary chaotic days sewn together by grace. Let grace make those moments beautiful. Trust in God. Love your husband. Enjoy every second of your journey because in 30 years when you are where I am you will love him more than you ever thought possible. You will love more than you do now, believe me. Sweet girl, just you wait... it will turn out better than your sweetest dreams.... just save a little love for him.
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