My attached living room was equally chaotic. There’s a couch somewhere under all that laundry from the last trip to Canada, shoes, jackets and socks littered the living room floor, pages from books ripped out from the seam, and a million DVD’s scattered about trying to find Elmo. The disarray was finally accessorized by toddler toys everywhere and a spilled boxed of Q-tips from this morning’s learning game.
My silent prayer: “Dear God, do not let my doorbell ring right now.” …Because, Lord help me, I would have to lie. I would be that awkward woman with only my head peeping out the door, trying to hold a barking dog back and a baby fighting to go “yowe-yide” …I would have to continue to make up some crazy excuse for why my house looked the way it did. I can only be “in the middle of a deep cleaning project” or “organizing the toy baskets” so often before people realize that maybe my house always looks like this. I swear the UPS guy, or visiting teachers, or neighbors bringing cookies only ever happens on days like today. Days when the baby is screaming and crying because she fell in the backyard tears marking her dirt smeared face and clothes covered in chalk. Don’t even get me started on my attire. I look like a comic strip character, not superwoman or catwoman, but like more ogre-ish with sticky popsicle sticks stuck to my backside. Seriously, I'm racking my brain and checking appts on my phone, “is there any reason I should be expecting company, because with the house like this… there is definitely someone on their way.”
My daughter wants a yawkit (chocolate, a girl after my own heart). I grab the big ol’ bag of M&M’s from the cupboard. I buy the biggest bags I can get at Costco or Walmart (thank you Easter) and refill little containers for her and for her diaper bag, saving grace friends, saving grace! She is on her tippy toes impatiently reaching for the bag as I turn to grab a little container to pour some into. What’s one second? I give her the bag to stop the whining and reach for said container. MISTAKE! Stop, never hand a one year old a large OPEN bag of M&M’s. Taste the fricken rainbow; floor, counters, and carpet!!! Visible floor space has quickly vanished and my anxiety level is through the roof. No end in sight. Tears.
Also, we need to be clear about something right now… My Pinterest boards say I’m the cleanest, most organized, best cooking, good lookin’ momma around which is all around like, not true at all. Jesus would have some serious transformations if I were to be my computer self. Anyways, long story short, I like a clean house but mix a busy toddler with my top-knot and my house quickly becomes a hurricane until nap time. Untidy does not stress me out. Mess does. This mess… DOES!
Top it all off, my sweet girl wants me to play and I am “one more second’ing,” her… Great, add that stress and guilt to my weepy self. It’s a good day.
So, I do what I always do when I am overwhelmed. I plug in my iPhone and play music through the blue tooth speaker. As I turn round and round trying to gather up spilled chocolate, I am face to face with my sweet one year old holding my hat in the air wearing my shoes. “momma…” I throw away the handful of M&M’s and bend down to put my hat on her little head. A closed mouth kiss, cuz she is a big girl now, and into the living room she goes squishing so much chocolate on her way it made me cringe... but if it wasn’t for the fear of melted squished chocolate I probably would of continued cleaning, not followed her, and I would of missed seeing something remarkable… something I needed to see.
She walked into the middle of our messy living room and began to dance. Her arms above her head she sways and spins, oblivious to the junk all around her. She danced without a care in the world and I just stood there unable to move watching her; my heart overwhelmed.
She didn't care that the kitchen floors were covered in chocolate. She didn't need all the clothes put away first… She just danced. And right before my eyes I witnessed a perfect picture. A picture of what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to get everything in order before we find joy. Everything doesn't need a proper place before we praise Him. He wants us, but he also wants our mess. He wants us to invite Him right into the middle of it. He knows we are not perfect, that days are hard, sometimes unbearable, and we make mistakes. He knows!!! Our joy shouldn't come from the state of a perfect circumstance. Our joy should be full and come from our hearts. So here I am, in the corner of my kitchen peeking around witnessing a perfect picture of a Christian life. It really is what you read. “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Finding out those ways to learn to dance through chaos with grace and love.
Top it all off, my sweet girl wants me to play and I am “one more second’ing,” her… Great, add that stress and guilt to my weepy self. It’s a good day.
So, I do what I always do when I am overwhelmed. I plug in my iPhone and play music through the blue tooth speaker. As I turn round and round trying to gather up spilled chocolate, I am face to face with my sweet one year old holding my hat in the air wearing my shoes. “momma…” I throw away the handful of M&M’s and bend down to put my hat on her little head. A closed mouth kiss, cuz she is a big girl now, and into the living room she goes squishing so much chocolate on her way it made me cringe... but if it wasn’t for the fear of melted squished chocolate I probably would of continued cleaning, not followed her, and I would of missed seeing something remarkable… something I needed to see.
She walked into the middle of our messy living room and began to dance. Her arms above her head she sways and spins, oblivious to the junk all around her. She danced without a care in the world and I just stood there unable to move watching her; my heart overwhelmed.
She didn't care that the kitchen floors were covered in chocolate. She didn't need all the clothes put away first… She just danced. And right before my eyes I witnessed a perfect picture. A picture of what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to get everything in order before we find joy. Everything doesn't need a proper place before we praise Him. He wants us, but he also wants our mess. He wants us to invite Him right into the middle of it. He knows we are not perfect, that days are hard, sometimes unbearable, and we make mistakes. He knows!!! Our joy shouldn't come from the state of a perfect circumstance. Our joy should be full and come from our hearts. So here I am, in the corner of my kitchen peeking around witnessing a perfect picture of a Christian life. It really is what you read. “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Finding out those ways to learn to dance through chaos with grace and love.
Because this is life… and I can promise you something… there will always be more of it.
On this day, I took a hint from my precious one year old baby girl. Motherhood isn't my job. It is my joy. It is not my obligation, but my own opportunity. And at that moment I didn't wait until the laundry was folded or the toys were picked up… I just scooped her up and… in the middle of all her dolls… with a million other things to do, together we danced. We danced like everyone in the world could see us and she allowed me to shine as she does. In that hour with tears on my cheeks and joy in my heart, we invited God into our day. Right smack in the middle of it… and the best part is… he didn't even require me to clean up before he came over!
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