My friend, the unfortunate thing about love is... love is not like this at all. Unrealistic expectations. Stemming from watching, "Gone with the Wind" or Ryan Gosling in a boat surrounded by swans. Fake worlds, fake scenarios, airbrushed and edited magazines, or some authors version that sweeps your mind out of this world; this realistic, hard, challenging, world. Where in fact men cant read your mind, fights rarely end in a sexy, rosy cheeked, swollen lip, romp to the bedroom or making love by the fire while it is pouring rain. We crave literally something that does not last forever.
I met my husband through a mutual friend in a university dorm room. It was that simple. We were not high school sweet-hearts and I definitely was not in a beautiful dress where I lost my shoe at midnight. No!
Looking back, I remember thinking he was adorable. He was subtle and quiet with his cute comments, and I was outgoing enough for the both of us. To race forward through events of that first year I giggle now as he made quite an effort back then to match my enthusiasm, how my heart raced being around him, and how I landed smack dab, main character, of this romantic love story. Exactly where I wanted to be. Falling in love with him was biblical. My mind was trapped in a sea of rose petals, white doves, and carriages for two. We were that madly in love couple that ended in a beautiful wedding despite the world.
From the moment after, "I-do's" it was a race down hill. I'm not talking about a few steps down either... I'm talking about racing down a snow covered hill on your sled, kinda downhill. I can still remember how worried I was when I started to notice that I didn't get the same feelings from my husband as when we first met. I began to crave and search for those feelings again. I read books and articles for ways to fall back in love and I came up short. Every.Single.Time!
No movie, fairy tale, or novel ever truly showed me that loving my husband forever had very little to do with how I felt when I fell in love with him. None of them ever had me believe I would lose those feeling that I once felt, that the boat rides and swans would disappear and be only a memory. I knew exactly what falling in love felt like, remember I was the main character in that love story. What I didn't know was, what it felt like to walk hand-in-hand in love forever.
In almost 5 years of ups and downs I can finally tell you this. I know what walking in love feels like. It feels like a choice that we have to make every single day. It is a night off of dishes because the other beat you to it. It's a casual dinner at home that rarely is lit by candles. It's a chocolate bar at the grocery store because it's his favorite. It's letting him pick the movie when you want to watch yours. It's simple being together and sometimes not even saying a word. It's takes effort, endurance, and lots of compromise. It takes being able to forgive past offenses and future hurts. It's choosing grace over and over again. It's supporting and rediscovering each other. It's selfless and patient. It's safe.
I was so afraid that I didn't love my husband as much as I did when we were dating, until I realized this, love isn't measured by those kind of feelings. Love is being committed to how far you will go together. I love my husband more today than I ever have. We have walked miles hand in hand that can testify of our love; each step apart of our story.
Falling in love is the easy part and it's just that... "a part" of love. Walking in love is what brings the greatest joy. To those of you who have been married longer than you have been single and to those of you who are taking your last steps you will ever take together, I'm honored by your love and by the way you CHOSE to write your love story.
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